Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
