You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
