ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
