If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
