apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
