The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize