Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
