OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
