Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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