The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
