if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize