The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
