waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
