Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
