why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
