omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
