he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize