i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
