i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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