I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
