final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize