I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
