tell your sister to shave her snatch
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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