May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
