no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
The best revenge is premature balding
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize