new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
