Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
