What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
