No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
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