we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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