Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
