new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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