Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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