apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
