I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
