Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
