The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
