i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
