Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
