All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
