well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
