i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
