:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
