Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
