Will you blow on my dice?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
