'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
