i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
