i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
