Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
