no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
