I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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