Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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