I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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