New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
