his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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