we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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