I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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