Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
