FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
