I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
