i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
