Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
