The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Do you still have your period?
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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