Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Your shirt... Was in my pants
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
