So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
