Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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