oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
