when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
