I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Just puked most of my soul out..
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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