Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
She announced her abortion via fbk
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
