I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
