Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
