Kiss
Puke
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
