I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
