It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You had me at "let me see your balls"
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
