So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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