i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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