Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
