OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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