Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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