Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
