He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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