u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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