Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
