Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
