slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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