Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
