I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
