I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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