matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Randomize
