Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
