After last night, I could never be a politician.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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