My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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