Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
