I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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