I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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